Empathy is a superpower

Empathy is often seen as a weakness because apparently showing emotions makes you weak. To me, that is complete BS. I see empathy as something to aim to improve, no matter your role.

Benefits of empathy

When looking at the world through an empathetic lens, it becomes easier to understand why people act the way they do. This makes working in a team setting easier. We all have different perspectives; sometimes people have completely different experiences even when looking at the same situation. Empathy helps us make room for these perspectives.

Empathy helps us reduce assumptions. Instead of immediately jumping to conclusions about someone's behaviour, we are more likely to wonder what might be behind the behaviour. Without empathy, it's easy to miss that someone is struggling and instead think that someone is lazy, hostile, indifferent or incompetent. Let's not assume; we need to ask. Because empathy doesn't mean that we automatically know what someone else is feeling. We can still get it wrong.

If someone reacts strongly, misses something or behaves in a way I don't understand, there is usually some context I don't have. Empathy doesn't mean excusing every behaviour, but it does make me more interested in understanding what happened before deciding what I think about it. We are all human, and sometimes we struggle to control our emotions, especially if we care a lot about the topic at hand. We might end up saying something we regret, or we might lash out. Emotions drive most of us, whether we like it or not.

Empathy helps us communicate better. Sometimes we can change our own communication when we notice that someone is feeling frustrated, confused or overwhelmed. And with empathy, it's easier for us to handle disagreement. We don't have to agree to understand how someone got there.

Empathy also allows us to better understand what motivates people. Because people are motivated by different things. When you are in tune with people's emotions, it's easier to notice what they are excited about, but also when something is draining their motivation.

And last, but definitely not least: Empathy can help create psychological safety. It's easier to admit uncertainty, mistakes or problems when we don't expect to be immediately judged.

Empathy does have its drawbacks

Empathy does have its downsides as well. An empathetic person can easily pick up on the emotions of the people around them. And people aren't always happy and positive. You don't necessarily get an on/off switch for empathy. With it comes the whole scale of emotions.

When the times are tough, empathy can become extra draining. If everyone is struggling and you are trying to help everyone around you, it will require a lot of energy. It can also start draining you, making it harder to see the positive.

There is also a difference between understanding that someone is struggling and taking that struggle on as your own. I'm not always particularly good at maintaining that boundary. Wanting to understand and support someone can slowly turn into feeling responsible for making things better, even when the situation is completely outside my control.

It's important to try to understand how empathy affects you as a person. We are all unique with our own capabilities and limits. You should try to protect yourself even when you want to help everyone. Ensure that you have your own support network when you need it. I have a tendency to fully focus on the emotional states of people around me so much that I start neglecting my own.

It's also good to keep biases in mind. It's often easier to empathise with people we know well, people who communicate emotions more openly, or people whose experiences resemble our own. But someone who struggles quietly might need just as much support as someone who is visibly distressed.

Empathy as a manager

Understanding people's emotions can help a manager better support and guide their people. It's easier to make people feel seen and heard when you have the capability to understand where they are coming from.

As a manager, it can be extra difficult to see the people you manage struggle. Especially if it's something where you, as a manager, need to side with the company and not the employee. Luckily, usually you can do both. The feeling of helplessness if you can't help people can be even worse for a manager since you are "responsible" for your people.

While empathy might not be a requirement for a manager, I hope I never end up with one without it. To me, being understood is crucial for my well-being. Having support through both the good and difficult parts of life is something I couldn't do without. And I try to make sure my people know that the same support is available to them.

Personally, I feel empathy should be a requirement for a manager who deals with real people. People don't stop having emotions when they come to work. If we don't take proper care of our people (their emotions and feelings included), they are unlikely to do their best work in an environment where they don't feel safe, respected or understood. And from a company perspective, I would think that is something worth striving for. Surprisingly often, that doesn't seem to be the case, though. And that is such a short-sighted approach in my opinion.

Empathy doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes caring about someone means giving them feedback they don't want to hear. Or, as managers, we have to make a decision they won't like. But empathy shows in how we do these things. We can be clear about what must happen, but still recognise the impact it has on the other person.

And it's also important to remember that empathy doesn't mean that we all feel the same way about things. We don't always need to fully understand exactly how someone is feeling, but sometimes a simple "I understand that this matters to you" can make a big impact.

An empathetic manager will see their people. They might notice if someone is unusually quiet or seems to be struggling. Sometimes people have problems outside of work, but it affects them at work as well. Sometimes a bad night's sleep might throw someone off. Instead of making assumptions, an empathetic manager will ask if everything is ok and try to see if the person needs help or support.

An empathetic manager will give people time to process. And empathy helps to recognise that the same feedback might land differently for different people.

And, of course, many of these things appear outside a manager-employee relationship as well, for example, in a team setting.

So why do I feel empathy is a superpower?

Even though empathy can sometimes affect me negatively, and sometimes quite a lot, I still think it's a positive thing all things considered. While at its worst it can be draining, as long as I stay mindful of its impact on myself, it gives me a better way to connect with people. I feel empathy allows me to have deeper relationships. And I hope it makes me easier to approach with things, both positive and negative.

The power doesn't come from feeling everything. It's about being able to see the people behind the actions.